My Day of No

I Said It

Today I said, “No”. It took me about four days of hemming and hawing to make my instinctive, “No,” audible to the person who needed to hear it. But it was said. The day of no had arrived.

And it was amazing!

As a mom, as a wife, as an entrepreneur, sometimes it is very difficult to say that little two letter word. As an employee, it was even harder. But sometimes you just gotta, you know?

Now, this wasn’t the first time I’ve said no, but it is the first time in my career as a freelancer I’ve actively said no to something that offered pay. Yep, pulled up my big-girl panties and stood my ground. *cue a celebration of the small wins here*

We said ‘no’ to convention, and ‘yes’ to adventure!

I know you may be thinking, “Well, dang, fancy! Guess you’ve got some sweet cash-flow going then, huh? Turning down ‘ish and whatnot!” No, no, it’s nothing like that. It’s more a matter of knowing my worth, knowing my brand and knowing what it is I stand for as a businessperson. In freelancing, making money, which could be used for very practical things like groceries, rent, toys for the kiddos, etc., is very important, don’t get me wrong, but it isn’t everything.

I promise. It isn’t.

And it absolutely can’t be.

Saying No, is Really Saying Yes

By saying no to others, did you know that sometimes, you’re actually saying yes to yourself? This, my friend, is thing of brilliance. When something doesn’t align with your goals, with your brand, with your sense of purpose, it is okay to say no. By saying no, you’re releasing yourself of the burden that comes along with taking on a load that isn’t designed for you.

Not everything that comes your way is destined for you. People make mistakes. Folks can be careless with their offers. Oftentimes potential employers will their nets wide in hopes of snagging the most candidates. By saying no to the things that aren’t in alignment with who you are, you very well may be saving yourself from getting scooped up from the deep waters of creativity and inspiration and placed into a shallow, murky, fish tank of limitation; or worse, becoming someone’s dinner.

By saying no, you are saying Yes! to yourself and you are effectively standing up for your beliefs and your vision.

Heck, you may even be saving your own life!

Less is (so much) More

If you’re already at your limit, you’re feeling stretched thin, and you’ve already committed yourself to other, more rewarding activities, saying no could be one of the best things you can do for yourself (and for the person asking you). If you cannot commit to putting in 100% effort into their need, then, is the slipshod work that you muster up even going to be worth your half-hearted, yes?

For me, each yes (especially when just starting your own freelance or business venture) is an opportunity to showcase my skills and talents. Sometimes I know I am reaching the point of being over-extended and all that I can produce is mediocre work. In those instances I would rather consciously say no, and know that something else will come along when the time is right, and when I can put my best work forward.

Is it financially profitable or emotionally wise to put forth work you’ve done begrudgingly? Is it worth your own peace of mind to idle away precious hours that could be spent doing meaningful, soul-fulfilling work for some ho-hum, why-am-I-wasting-my-time project that pays pennies?

Choose projects that feed your soul, not just your pockets.

When the work is meant for you, you will know because it will smoothly integrate itself in and around your life. I would rather say, no, then put forth work that is done with frustration, out of obligation and as a result, not up to par with the standards and level of expectation I have set for myself. And you should (and can) too!

No, is a Complete Sentence

Your No does not need explanation. No is a complete sentence. Put a period at the end.

See, look: No.

There. Sentence. Done. End of story.

While it is often expected (and admittedly it is polite) to provide a brief description of why you are respectfully declining; ultimately, your, no, is all that needs to be said. In my recent letter of decline, I noted that while I was appreciative for the opportunity, I had to respectfully decline as the terms were not acceptable to me. In this instance I elaborated a bit on my, no, mostly because it was not the project itself that I was declining, rather I was dissatisfied with the terms of the project. I felt that by giving a brief explanation for my decline, I was giving the client space to renegotiate the terms.

They did not.

And that is fine.

I knew that I could not do the work under the terms I was offered without giving up an important part of myself (time? energy? patience? something bigger, perhaps?) and trading that in for what I was being offered was simply not a viable rate of exchange.

But I digress.

Your own, no, does not require fancy, apologetic verbiage. Your no can stand all alone is its own glorious, liberating and complete sentence.

You cannot. You decline. You’re saying no.

Plain and simple.

Some faces though, are really hard to say no to!

So, a Takeaway, Right?

In good form, I will now provide a takeaway from this post.

Shonda Rhimes captured this concept perfectly in her book, The Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun, and Be Your Own Person. This book was ripe with the many fruitful opportunities that saying Yes! and being a Yes! brought her way. She also acknowledged however, that a heartily stated, no, was a viable and necessary means to say yes to everything else in her life.

“So, I decide to treat saying no in the same way I treat saying thank you. Say no and then don’t say anything else. I come up with three different clear ways of saying no.

‘I am going to be unable to do that.’

‘That is not going to work for me.’

And there’s simply: ‘No.’”

Whatever way you decide to say it, remember it is yours to say. Give yourself permission to say no when you need to. Let that be your way to say yes to your intuition, creativity, unique ability and self-worth. Take your very own day of no! Your gifts are depending on you to allow them to burst forth in all their glory.

Say Yes! to you.