There are Good Parents, and There are Great Parents

What kind of parent are you?
Would you classify yourself as a ‘good’ parent?

Does it depend on the day? On your mood?

Or are you perhaps consistently great?

The other day I got into a conversation with a fellow mom of many in a Facebook group. It started because a third mom asked for some advice about traveling alone with her two kids. She asked if she should bring car seats or strollers and what was the best way to handle her kids and her stuff. Being the supportive community that we are, many moms chipped in their own two cents. We wanted to rally around this first-time traveling mamma and encourage her to go forth fearlessly.

I mentioned that my family travels using a child restraint backpack. But, before anyone could say anything, I added into my comments, “Judge away until he runs away. Hahaha!”. I just knew someone on the thread would likely take issue with my choice to use one of those furry kid-leashes. I wasn’t going to let them rain on my parade.

To my surprise, however, I received some much-needed support!

One mamma even chimed in by re-quoting me and added in those adorable crying laughing emoticons.

Feeling encouraged, I shared a little story. I’ll share it with you too!

Panic Mode: Activated

Some years ago, I was traveling with the Terror Squad (my three kiddos). Mkazo (the baby) was strapped to my chest in a baby carrier. My eldest, Vizuri was on foot and Emery was strapped into his teddy bear kid-leash. We approached security at a layover connection and as I was preparing to put our bags, jackets, shoes, etc., on the conveyor belt, I overheard a couple in the next lane talking ‘over loud’ about my parenting choices. They were appalled that I would use such an ‘inhumane device’ to restrain my child. They emphatically stated that he was ‘not a dog’ and that such contraptions were ‘ridiculous’.

Quietly fuming, I continued to do what I needed to do to get us on our way. This included removing my youngest from the Baby Bjorn and releasing Emery from his harness. Just as I suspected, the moment he discovered that he was free, he decided it was time to go AWOL. Skirting out of my reach, he ran around the small cue of shoeless people lined up in front of me waiting to get scanned, darted through the metal detector and took a quick left.

Down the corridor he dashed, while I stood, behind the security border with my mouth agape, grasping desperately to the two kids I still had and on the verge of a panic attack. One quick-thinking TSA agent jumped into action, calling to a security guard at the end of the hall to intercept. Thanks to his quick reflexes, he managed to stop my son and both he and the TSA agent escorted little Emery back to me. The whole area breathed a sigh of relief as the panic tears finally welled up in my eyes.

Once through the scanner, the TSA agent helped me re-strap Emery into his harness, another passenger helped me repack my bags and I gathered my youngest back into his carrier. Everyone was so helpful. The couple who initially judged my use of the harness were standing dumbfounded at the end of their lane, fumbling over their shoes. The woman was staring at me in shock. I took that opportunity to sarcastically respond to her snide remarks by saying, “THAT is why I use it.”

Honey, if her little face didn’t pucker up quick!

Mom: One, Rude Passenger: Zero

Once everything was back in place, my son sufficiently scolded, and the TSA agents, security guard, and passengers all adequately thanked, I went on about my day. We had a flight to catch after all!

The Best Parent in the World

This story told in less detail on the chat thread, elicited a few likes and even more comments. Moms who used the harness, moms who had fear of escalator accidents or lost children all chimed in. Mention was made of children falling into gorilla enclosures and mothers being crucified for negligence as a result. We can’t harness them, but we also can’t lose them. So, what are we to do?

Ultimately, the conclusion was drawn that it seems, despite our best parenting intentions, sometimes, we mammas just can’t win.

And I think it’s true!

That is because we moms fail to realize that the best parents in the world are:

Those who don’t actually have children

Those whose children are now grown up

Those who don’t have as many children as you do

Those who aren’t parents to YOUR children

Makes sense, right?   *insert eye roll here*

If this holds true, seemingly no matter what you do or where you go, someone will always know better than you. Someone will always have something to say about your decisions, your leadership, your household rules. There will always be a ‘better’ parent than you.

And the best part?

These ‘better parents’ will never have the same experiences as you. But trust and believe, they will talk like they do!

So What’s a Mama To Do?

Tell them to shut the front door! Tell them to get out of town! Show them the field of flying figs that you give about what they have to say.

In other words: DO YOU MAMA-BOO-BOO!

To your kids, you are the best parent in the world. To your kid, you are the world! It is your duty to care for them. You are responsible for making good choices and for nudging them to make their own best decisions. Tell the peanut gallery, thanks but no thanks. Not today! Don’t allow side-eye glances from judgmental others dampen your resolve.

Don’t get me wrong, we can probably all improve in certain areas. Advice is not completely discouraged. I actually enjoy constructive and useful (highlighting useful) suggestions. But don’t tear me down. Don’t belittle me. Don’t pass judgment.

We women have to be in the intentional business of supporting one another in life, work, and motherhood.

So rather than judge my use of a harness or any other non-violent parenting strategy I employ, perhaps consider lending a hand or offering a word of encouragement. Or, as the old adage goes, “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.” But, I really hope you do choose to say something because we call all use a little bit of encouragement sometimes!

 

Are you a mama trying to balance all the things and looking for your own mom/life balance?

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