My husband and I are in the midst of a mini-debate centered on Mother’s Day. Growing up, Mother’s Day was always a day dedicated to our matriarch, my grandmother. Year after year, we packed into the car and made the trek out to Oak Brook Mall to spend the day sitting in the sun, looking at the beautiful spring flowers, shopping in all of our favorite stores and finishing up at one of the gourmet restaurants that lined the mall’s perimeter. It was typically a day of enjoyment, punctuated occasionally by a crabby little girl (me) trying to avoid bees and getting a little fidgety waiting while my grandmother tried on outfit after outfit in the stores. My restlessness was not in vain however, I always blessed to make out like a bandit with a new outfit, shoes and/or toys. Gratefully, my childhood memories of Mother’s Day are happy ones.

As I grew up however, it became apparent that the day was not the day my own mother envisioned for herself. If she had it her way, she would have likely spent the afternoon much like the Villanueva women (of Jane the Virgin fame) who enjoy their Mother’s Day with a telenovela marathon and pints of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream. She and I would have ordered pizza, enjoyed a couple movies, taken a luxurious mid-day nap and possibly hopped in the car for a drive to our favorite ice cream shop before bedtime. We finally did do that one year, when my grandmother was invited to a special church event. It was a ton of fun and I remember how much my mother enjoyed the simplicity of just being a couch potato, something a single working mother doesn’t often experience.

So, here we are on my fifth official Mother’s Day as a mom myself and I am without both my grandmother and my mother. I have no one to please, no one to cater to, no one to compromise with and frankly, I don’t want to! My husband asked me what I wanted to do for Mother’s Day and I told him. I told him that I simply wanted some peace, quiet and alone time. He countered by saying that he was surprised because most mothers want to spend their Mother’s Day with their children because they love them. What was wrong with me? Absolutely nothing is wrong with me! As far as I’m concerned Mother’s Day is all about the mother. Whomever that mother-figure in the family may be. As a child it was my grandmother and we catered to her whims. Today, it is me and I most certainly should be allowed one day to do whatever I so please.

I think as mothers we get caught up in what other mothers do or don’t do. We are distracted by what makes mothers good or bad, loving or selfish. My husband’s surprise at my wanting to be away from my littles for a day was indicative of his expectation of motherhood as taught to him by his upbringing and society as a whole. As a mother who is home with the kiddos ALL.DAY.EVERY.DAY. I feel entitled to one day of peace, quiet and selfishness (yup, I’m claiming it). Yes, I love my kids. Yes, I am blessed (and super-duper grateful) to have them. Yes, I love spending time with them. Yes, without them I wouldn’t even be a mother to celebrate Mother’s Day. Also, yes, I want (need) some time to myself sometimes. Every mother-figure does! Self-care is an important, invaluable component to being able to effectively care for others.

So, this Mother’s Day, after spending the morning at church, I have full intentions of taking my weekly five-mile jog, picking up a very late carry-out breakfast from my favorite breakfast spot, taking it down to the guest room and locking the door behind me. I may write, I may sleep, I may binge watch Netflix. I may simply stare off into space and cry because I miss my own mother and grandmother. Whatever it is I choose to do, I’m intentionally doing it for me (and only me) and I’m doing it until I’ve had my fill. I will reemerge when I’ve refilled my cup, when I am ready to once again don my mommy-cape and get back to business. Come Father’s Day, the hubby is welcome to do the same should he so choose. It’s all about equal opportunity around these parts!

To all the moms, moms-to-be and mother-figures out there, have an amazing and blessed Mother’s Day holiday! I pray you’re able to spend the day doing at least one thing that brings you pleasure and that you feel loved immensely by those around you. For those of you missing a special someone this holiday, my prayers and thoughts are with you. There’s nothing like a bond that can be formed between a child and her mother and I pray peace for you on this particular day.

What are your plans for Mother’s Day? How do you and your family celebrate the holiday? What traditions does your family share around Mother’s Day?